I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
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