I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
