if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
