She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
