Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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