I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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