I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
