i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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