why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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