No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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