the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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