i just had sex bonerless
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
