I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
