I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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