You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
This toilet bowl is my home.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
