tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
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