We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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