dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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