did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
