I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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