she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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