Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Randomize
