11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Also, beer. Big fan.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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