apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Randomize
