you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
