He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Randomize
