Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
