Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
did i just pee glitter
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
