plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
