This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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