he shaved USA in his pubs
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
