All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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