He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
