OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize