Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
