I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
