What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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