the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
The Olympian is in my bed
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
