how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
sarcasm needs its own font
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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