Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
