I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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