And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
