bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
