wat bout pragnant strippers??
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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