Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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