i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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