I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize
