He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Swine flu. Run for my life!
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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