I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
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