just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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