everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
