whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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