The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
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