BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
