I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Randomize
