There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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