Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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