Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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