You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
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