If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
