I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
