Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
of course. lets lasso hookers.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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