you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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