He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
