he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
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