I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
